Today’s episode I share how parents can learn to manage their expectations of their daughters, explore their own emotions and how assertive communication skills come into play. Relationships are work whether it is a parent/child or friendship or partnership. When we project our expectations onto the other person, then we create our own frustrations or suffering vs letting go of the outcome.

In this episode you will learn:

• Managing expectations
• Using assertive communication
• Staying the course parents

I want to say thank you to all my listeners and for those of you who have written to me about topics you are interested in hearing. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay update and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at http://www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com.

Today’s guest is Daniela Paolone, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who practices in Westlake Village, CA. Daniela specializes in supporting people living with chronic pain, illness, anxiety, and depression. In today’s episode she shares mindfulness and emotional freedom techniques along with the science behind how these techniques can help manage symptoms. Daniela discusses how parents who have chronic pain or illness can stay connected to their daughter and ways parents can support their daughter if she has chronic pain or illness. Daniela completed her Masters in Counseling Psychology with a Specialization in Latino Counseling. After earning her

Daniela completed her Masters in Counseling Psychology with a Specialization in Latino Counseling. After earning her masters degree she continued working with children as a behavioral specialist for children with special needs and/or emotional difficulties. At this time she also began working as an intern in private practice where she worked mostly with clients of diverse ethnic and cultural backgrounds who were struggling with a history of addiction, trauma, intimate partner violence, divorce, and difficult life transitions.

During the episode, Daniela discusses the Emotional Freedom Technique, which is a combination of counseling therapy and Chinese acupressure. Specific points on the body are tapped on by the client using gentle pressure while a conversation is gently guided on a particular emotion and life experience.

In this episode you will learn:

• How Daniela began her work supporting people with chronic pain
• The methods and ways she supports people dealing with chronic pain
• How the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) works

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

Today’s guest is Elizabeth Bonet who is a certified Hypnotherapist with a PhD in Clinical Psychology, an author, podcaster, and yoga teacher. Dr. Bonet helps people feel more emotionally stable, happier and more connected to their partner, friends, and loved ones. Her specialties are hypnosis and anxiety along with doing couples counseling and Perinatal Mood Disorders. She has been a yoga teacher for over 15 years and was the founder of Yogafairy Prenatal Yoga, which she sold in May of 2016. Elizabeth is a single mom of two daughters, a cat and a rescue dog. 

In this episode you will learn: What is hypnosis How it can help reduce anxiety How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

• What is hypnosis
• How it can help reduce anxiety How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur
• How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or (www.nicolecburgess.com/ep46) and to sign up for my newsletter.

Today’s guest is LaTasha Hudson, Vice President of Development and Public Relations for Girls, Inc here in Indianapolis, IN. She has been the Director of Programs for 5 years and has the most direct program experience within our organization. She has a passion for serving girls in our community. Girls Inc is a national organization empowering girls and their parents.

In this episode you will learn:

• Mission of Girls Inc
• How parents can get involved and/or teach their daughter life skills
• Programs, camps and STEM

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

In today’s episode, I’m going to talk about mindfulness and a product I use that helps me meditate called Muse. Studies have shown that mindfulness and meditation can reduce anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and increase gray matter in our brains. The increase in gray matter can improve our brain health, cognitive abilities, and awareness. As we gain more self-awareness and are more in the present moment, then we are able to show up in relationships and fully listen. We are more able to respond to situations vs react to them, calm ourselves, and use healthier coping skills.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is mindfulness
• Review of Muse headband for meditation practice
• How this headband can help your teen and family

To see the full show notes visit http://www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to receive tips and tools for parenting a teen girl.

Today’s episode is words of encouragements from mother’s of adult daughters to mom’s of teenage daughters. Mothers from around the country shared what they learned when their daughters were teens and how these lessons help them create a strong bond with their adult daughters today. Being a parent of a teenager can be challenging and rewarding. It is a developmental stage in life, which means it doesn’t last forever.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Self-care is vital for mothers
• Firm but fair boundaries
• Self-compassion for yourself and parenting

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter with tips and tools in raising teenage daughters.

Today's guest is the creator of Talk Sex with Me Tara Spears. In this episode, Tara talks about the difficulties of talking about sex with teenagers, the importance of knowing your own values and reasons why parents themselves may struggle to talk about sex with their teenagers. Ms. Spears graduated with a Master’s Degree in Counselor Education from the University of Central Florida in 2005. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Sex Therapist. She has over ten years of experience working with individuals, children, families, and couples encountering a variety of hardships in life. After spending most of her career responding reactively to situations or intervening after a crisis (i.e. a child’s removal from the home, failed adoption, and the aftermath of abuse), Ms. Spears decided to take a more proactive approach. For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

Today’s guest is Matt Hart who is from southern Indiana. Matt has been a high school Theatre, English, Speech and Debate teacher for just over 20 years and also served as a theater director at Gibson Southern High School. More recently Matt has chosen to pursue an endeavor he is passionate about speaking to people about bullying. He gives a 45 minute presentation entitled “reACT to Bullying” to various schools across Indiana and continues to reach more schools through out the country to help educate and stop bullying in our schools.

In this episode you will learn:

• Matt’s personal story of being bullied
• What is bullying
• How to stop being bullied

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and support/tips for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and iHeartRadio.

Today’s episode is about teen dating abuse and violence. I know this topic can be difficult to hear, but I am encouraging you to listen because unfortunately this continues to be an all to common issue I see in my practice. In the past I co-facilitated a domestic violence batterer’s intervention group for teen boys. They had been charged with being physically abusive toward a partner or family member or a person and were required to attend a either a 26 or 52 week program for perpetrators. The agency I worked at had a group for teen girls and two different groups for adult males and females.

In this episode you will learn:

• Statistics of teen dating abuse and violence
• Warning signs of possible abuse or violence in the relationship
• How to help your daughter

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online events for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Today’s guest is Chonteau McElvin and she is located in Winter Garden, FL. Chonteau is often called a Modern Day Medicine Woman and she has been empowering women to tap into their inner wise woman for over 20 years. Chonteau spent over half of her social work career empowering and teaching teen girls about mindfulness and the importance of sacred ritual. She now has a thriving intuitive coaching practice where she supports mostly women, awaken their authentic selves through archetypal awareness, energy medicine and other shamanic healing methods. She recently founded Soul Care University, a distance learning and virtual healing center that focuses on one's soul nourishment and self care through the sacred healing practices of nature therapy, mindfulness, and ritual. Chonteau continues to teach mindfulness to teen girls and is working on an e-course The Mindful Diva-Meditation and Moonbeams For Teen Girls. Chonteau brings Folk Healing to a modern world that desperately needs to slow down, reconnect to nature and cultivate self compassion.

In this episode you will learn:

• Purpose of doing mindfulness
• How supporting mothers impact their daughters
• What is herbal medicine

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online event for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

My guest today is Dena Patton. Dena followed her dream to move to NYC at age 22 and built her own business at age 24 but after a minor stroke at age 27 she sold her marketing company and followed her calling to work with girls and women. She became a speaker, best selling author and coach who work with leaders and women entrepreneurs to help them build companies that make a great difference in the world. She is the creator of Greatness Leadership Academy and author of Igniting Greatness. In 2007 she cofounded the Girls Rule Foundation that offers 5 programs that help teen girls build leadership, self-confidence and bright futures. Her passion is to help women and girls know their worth, know themselves and know their valuable place in the world.

In this episode you will learn:

• Programs offered at Girls Rule Foundation
• Why leadership skills and empowerment for our teen girls is important
• How parents can teach leadership skills at home

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter. I share tips and tools for parents in supporting their daughters and announce upcoming events.

Today’s guest is Dara Hoffman-Fox who is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), gender therapist, speaker and author of “You and Your Gender Identity”. Her private practice is located in Colorado Springs CO. Dara works with transgender, gender variant, and gender questioning individuals.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is a gender therapist
• What is transgender and non-binary
• How parents can support their child or teen
• Fears parents have voiced

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online event for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Today’s episode is a meditation called Loving Kindness or Metta Bhavana. It is a method of developing compassion. It comes from the Buddhist tradition, but it can be adapted and practiced by anyone, regardless of religious affiliation; loving-kindness meditation is essentially about cultivating love. It is unconditional; it does not depend on whether one “deserves” it or not; it is not restricted to friends and family; it extends out from personal categories to include all living beings. There are no expectations of anything in return. This is the ideal, pure love, which everyone has within them. We begin with loving ourselves, because if we don’t love and acceptance ourselves, it is difficult to extend it to others. Loving kindness is without any desire to possess another. It is not a sentimental feeling of goodwill, not an obligation, but comes from a selfless place. It does not depend on relationships, on how the other person feels about us. There are five groups or areas you focus on during this meditation: yourself, a benefactor, a beloved friend or family member, a neutral person and a difficult person. Use three to four phrases with each person. In this episode you will learn: Guided meditations can help manage anxiety Loving Kindness Meditation cultivates compassion Can do this guided meditation in stages

To see the full show notes visit http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I making announcements for local teen girls groups and future online events for mothers.

Today’s episode is for parents and the role they have been doing over the last year. Parenting is a full time job with both its challenges and rewards. At the time of this recording it is December and we await for the new year to begin. I am inviting all parents to set aside some time and reflect on your role as a parent. Most parents I work with struggle to see what they are doing well or celebrate how they have broken negative family patterns, such as abuse. So today I am asking you to get out some paper and a pen, set some time for you to reflect either by yourself and/or with your partner, and explore what went well for the year. What areas you may want to adjust/change for next year and what you are grateful for. Once you have done this you may want to encourage your daughters to do the same. Many tween and teen girls struggle with seeing their strengths, obstacles they have overcome and courage that is within them. You never know this may become a family tradition at the end of the year.

In this episode you will learn:

• Why reflecting is important
• Celebrating your successes and lessons learned
• What your daughter has taught you over the year

To see the full show notes visit http://launchingYourdaughter.com

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and for mothers.

My guest today is Natalie DeFay-Foster, a licensed associate marriage and family therapist at Integrative Art Therapy in Phoenix, Arizona. Natalie is a trained Clinical Art Therapist and specializes in working with adolescents, adults and families. I am excited to speak with her today in how art therapy can be beneficial in working with teen girls and their parents. In this episode you will learn: You don’t need any previous art experience to participate Art therapy can deepen and change family relationships Art therapy can improve communication and relationship skills between parents and teens

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter on some upcoming announcements I will be making for both teen girls and their moms.

Today’s episode is all about boundaries. What are boundaries or limit setting, tips for setting boundaries and why they are important for teen girls and parents. Each week I discuss boundaries with my adult and teen girl clients. There are many myths about what a boundary is and misunderstandings on how to set them.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is a boundary
• Tips to set boundaries
• Healthy vs unhealthy boundaries

To see the full show notes visit http://launchingYourdaughter.com

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and for mothers.

My guest today is Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist and director of the internationally renowned Laurel School’s Center for Research on Girls. Lisa pulls back the curtain on the teenage years and shows why your daughter’s erratic and confusing behavior is actually healthy, necessary, and natural. Her book Untangled Guiding Teen Girls through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, an instant New York Times best seller, explains what’s going on, prepares parents for what’s to come, and lets them know when it’s time to worry. I am excited to speak with Lisa today about her book and dive a little deeper in one of the chapters. In this episode you will learn: Why Lisa wrote the book Helping parents and teen girls prepare for the future Teenage development is not a personal affront to parents Preparing for the future Requirements and concerns have changed over last ten years These changes are not in alignment with normal development Creating stress for parents and teen girls Can create parents to be too involved Many colleges to choose from, so not a crisis unless parents want teen to attend their school or believe only a few good colleges Power Struggle with homework Allowing teen daughter to receive consequences for her choices in completing assignments or preparing for school tests May need to rule out learning disorder or attention issues Parents have choice of negative outcome or positive outcome depending on what they say or do Lisa shares with parents in giving themselves permission to make these “mistakes” when daughter is in middle school vs waiting until high school Allow your daughter to feel disappointment Teens can struggle with perspective and here is where parents can support her as she moves through this temporary feeling/moment in her life Normal development for your daughter to place autonomy over majority of issues Leverage becomes about removing freedoms/privileges Using her desire for autonomy to help leverage because you can’t “make her” do anything Tips from Lisa Not taking your daughter’s journey into teenage land as personal “Can feel like a breakup” because when she was younger she would laugh at your jokes then around 12 or 13 she no longer thinks your funny Normal development can be challenging and hard If she could rename the book she call it “It’s not about you” because teenage development can seem like a personal affront to parents and its not Parents give yourselves permission to grieve the loss of this change in your relationship with your teen daughter because it is a loss Seek support from friends and colleagues during this stage of life I have some upcoming announcements I will be making for both teen girls and their moms, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com to sign up for the newsletter. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Lisa’s Information: Website: www.drlisadamour.com Book: Untangled Guiding Teen Girls through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood

Today’s guest is Jonathan Singer who is an associate professor of social work at Loyola University Chicago's school of social work and the founder and host of the Social Work Podcast. He is the author of dozens of publications, including the 2015 book "Suicide in Schools: A Practitioner's Guide to Multi-level Prevention, Assessment, Intervention, and Postvention." Jonathan has been a practicing social worker for 20 years and has spent much of that time working with suicidal youth and their families. He's a Hoosier by birth and graduate of Earlham College in Richmond, IN. He lives in Evanston, IL with his wife and three kids. In this episode you will learn: Examples of how parents can communicate with their teenager about concerns of suicide Breaking a myth around suicide Resources available for parents, teens and mental health professionals Jonathan’s experience with working with suicidal folks He is a teacher and researcher Working with folks who are suicidal for years Uses family system perspective LGBT teens can be higher risk if there is no family support Trained in attachment based family therapy He described rupture/break between child and parents Uses a structured approach Explore both sides of where break happens Kids doesn't have to come to parent for everything except when kid is talking about suicide Statistics Stats are from looking at all Americans 43,000 suicides in 2014 Hard to compare state to state-can look at American Association of Suicidology which share data once a year 65 and older-rate is 16.6 per 100,00 or 21 suicides per day 45 to 64-rate is 19.5 per 100,000 or 45 suicides per day young is 15 to 24 yrs old-rate is 11.6 per 100,000 or 14 per day Thoughts of suicide are not normative Stats show 12% of kids up to age 18 yrs old have had thoughts of suicide Yet “normal enough” need to acknowledge kids talk about suicide Breaking a myth Breaking the myth that speaking about suicide will make person suicidal It is ok to bring up the topic with your child and explore if they have had friends talk about suicide Jonathan gives examples of what parents can say to their teen Role modeling shows you are not afraid to speak about suicide Want to connect with other parents vs manage by yourself Search Institute-40 Developmental Assets-shares positive indicators is parents in a community with other parents having shared parenting values Can seek support from other parents/friends on Facebook and know Facebook algorithms may not rank post high Jonathan discussed DOCZ app-which has peer support and health professionals available for parents needing support Find out your teen’s school policies regarding suicide and mental health management Does school have signs of strength (SOS) club? Do they do universal screening and if they have a concern what do they do? Jonathan discussed his book for mental health professionals The forms are useable and copyright goes with owner of book Can input data into forms Resources http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/ http://www.suicidology.org/resources/facts-statistics DOCZ app http://www.crisistextline.org/ https://spsmchat.com/-Suicide prevention in social media Search Institute http://www.search-institute.org/content/40-developmental-assets-adolescents-ages-12-18 I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and their moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com Jonathan’s Information: Website: http://socialworkpodcast.blogspot.com/ Twitter: @socworkpodcast Facebook: www.facebook.com/swpodcast Email: jonathan.b.singer@gmail.com Book: Suicide in Schools: A Practitioner's Guide to Multi-level Prevention, Assessment, Intervention, and Postvention

Today’s guest is Jessica Paist who has her degree in marriage and family therapy and is located in Jenkintown, PA. Jessica is a teen therapist who specializes in empowering tween and teen girls. She uses a family systems approach, which means she supports the parents along with their daughters.

In this episode you will learn:

• How group therapy can empower adolescent girls quicker than individual therapy
• Girls gain awareness they are not alone
• Girls can support one another

To find out more check out the show notes at http://nicolecburgess.com/ep30

Today’s guest is Lynn Dutrow who is a licensed clinical professional counselor and courage coach in Frederick, Maryland. She has over 25 years of experience in the psychology and education fields and now offers coaching to teens and adults who struggle with anxiety.

In this episode you will learn:

• Difference of coaching vs counseling
• How coaching can be effective with managing anxiety
• Benefits of parents doing coaching

How coaching is different than counseling

• She explains how coaching can begin before parent or teen is diagnosed with a mental health diagnosis, such as generalized anxiety disorder
• Coaching focuses on the present vs reflecting on the past
• Lynn shares how Auntie Anxiety came about for coaching business
• This “character” can help bring in humor to the hard work and get teens and parents to get outside themselves for a moment

How coaching can help manage anxiety

• Education about the parts of the brain that activate anxiety and fear
• Amygdala works like a smoke detector and its has an important job, but for some of us our smoke detector works like it will go off if steam is coming out of the shower
• Help people recognize they won’t get rid of anxiety and not the goal Turn it from enemy to ally
• Work for you vs against you
• Begin process of taking action to make change
• Begin to get comfortable in the uncomfortable and lean into the fears
• Gain understanding of reacting to vs responding to
• We all have anxiety

Coaching parents

• Helping parents recognize their own anxiety
• Understanding the idea that society has sold us that we can all be happy if we just buy this product.
• Reality is learning how to be uncomfortable, don’t have to like it, but embrace it because it is important part of teens process and life
• Many well intentioned mother’s who are in the role of taking care of everything who try to “speed up the process” have created more stress for themselves and teens are less confident because someone else has been doing the skill/task they need to know how to do
• Let your daughter be part of the family-let her get engaged in doing these tasks to help the whole family

What can stop parents in beginning coaching

• Fear of being uncomfortable
• Doing the work to begin to manage the worries
• Having initial session with coach can help challenge the old beliefs and gain understanding of embracing the uncomfortable

Benefits of Coaching:

• Educating parents and teenage girls about anxiety
• Anxiety is like a socially awkward friend who wants you to pay attention to it
• Anxiety makes our world really small
• How to manage it-expand your world, gain more confidence
• How to change it from being an enemy to being an ally
• Courage is showing up everyday
• Look for opportunities and keep moving forward

Book Recommendations:

Anxious Kids,Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons I invite you to sign up for my newsletter.

I have some upcoming announcements I will be making, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Lynn’s Information:

Website: www.auntieanxiety.com

Today’s guest is Amy Morin who is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and a lecturer at Northeastern University. She is also a keynote speaker, parent teen expert and child discipline expert for VeryWell.com and best selling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. I watched Amy’s TED talk, The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong, recently and I am excited to speak with her today about how parents and teens can build resilience.

In this episode you will learn:

• Building your mental strength
• What locus of control means
• Role modeling your mental strength to your teen Taking calculated risks

Why Amy wrote a book

• Amy shares her personal story of the loss of her mother and husband and how it impacted her journey in becoming more mentally strong during tough times
  • She began to write articles after the death of her husband
  • She wrote a letter to herself about “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”, posted it on line “and it went viral”
  • Amy does speaking events in helping others “give up bad habits that keep them stuck.”
• “As therapists we focus on good habits and strengths, but also need to explore what keeps us held back.”
• The chapters give examples and at the end of each chapter there is “what’s helpful” and “what’s not helpful”.
• Chapter one “They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves” People get stuck on problems vs solutions
  • Need to look forward or how can I make my life better Amy shares how she had to figure out how to manage “the tough days” after her loses
  • Finding ways to be grateful for what you have vs what you lost Not dwelling on past, learn from it and move forward
  • Recognizing that you can control your mood
  • Allow yourself to feel emotions vs choice of staying stuck in it or leaning into it and move forward
• Chapter four is about locus of control (external vs internal and bilateral)
  • External locus of control-think outside forces dictate our lives
  • Internal locus of control-I have power over the things that happen to me
  • Bilateral-little of both You accept you can control your behaviors and other areas of your life you don’t have control over, such as other people’s behaviors.
• Raising mentally strong kids is being a good role model
• As you embrace these mentally strong concepts it helps your teenager
• Teaching your teen how to deal and cope with difficult emotions

Tip for Parents

• Being mindful of language you use because it can imply you are a victim For example “I have to” vs “This is a choice”
• Chapter six is about taking calculated risks
  • Decisions usually based on emotions vs exploring logic and seeing pros/cons of taking risk
  • Parents can help teens understand how their brains are changing and looking at risks/consequences vs reacting impulsively
  • Begin to face fears and tolerate anxiety, you can gain confidence
  • Parents you can reflect why your teen daughter’s friends maybe doing X behavior (i.e. feels good, is exciting) and why we need to look at both sides of good and bad of choice

As you practice these concepts, it can help not only you build resilience when tough times happen, but also help your teen daughter gain this skill.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter. I have some upcoming announcements I will be making, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Amy’s Information:

Website: www.AmyMorinLCSW.com

Her eCourse: http://amymorinlcsw.com/ecourse/

Her book: http://amymorinlcsw.com/book/

At the time of this recording fall is here, which means here in the U.S. that holidays are approaching. For many people the holidays are filled with happiness and family gatherings. For some people the holidays may be filled with sadness and loss. If you have lost a parent, partner, family member, friend or a family pet, I will discuss some ways to cope with the loss.

In this episode you will learn:

• It is healthy to share your feelings and honor the loss
• Adults and children share and express grief differently
• Self-care and self-compassion are important during this time of season

Ways to Cope

• Talk to someone about what you are feeling or experiencing.
  • Some people are too uncomfortable with grief, so find someone who can listen to you.
  • If this is the first holiday without that person you may feel sad or lonely and sharing this with a trusted friend or loved one can help ease the pain.
  • Talk about what you miss about the person or what ritual you used to do together around this time.
• Create a ritual to acknowledge the person
  • Light a candle
  • Have a photo out during the celebrations
• Set aside some quiet time to reflect on that person.
  • Journal, cry, spend time looking at photos or watching home movie to allow yourself to feel the sadness and move through it.
  • After your quiet time is done, go do another activity.
  • Setting aside a specific amount of time can give you permission to feel the sadness, to continue to go in and out of the pain, without feeling overwhelmed.
  • Doing another activity after that can help you believe you are more in control of your emotions vs. the emotions overwhelming you.
• Remind yourself that family gatherings are not about perfection, but are about spending time with each other.
• It is ok to cancel the family gathering this year too. Be gentle with yourself.
• Adults experience grief and loss differently than children.
• Children are more in the present moment and my say ‘I miss Grandma”, then go off and play with other kids. It is normal and natural.

Seek professional help

• With time the symptoms of grief should decrease.
• If your feelings intensify, you are withdrawing from others, struggling with depression and it has been several months since the death, it maybe time to seek professional help.

Planning and preparing yourself

• What are you going to do to give yourself permission to have compassion for yourself and/or your children?
• Think of some ways now that can help you feel more prepared for the holidays.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” by Washington Irving

Book recommendations:

On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

The Wheel of Life by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and Todd Gold

Contact Nicole if you are in Indiana or the Indianapolis area and seeking professional help. www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Today’s guest is Jennifer McGurk a registered dietitian nutritionist and certified eating disorder registered dietitian. Her practice is located in Nyack, NY. Jennifer believes that every client has different nutrition needs and what’s right for one person may not be right for another. She believes in intuitive and mindful eating, and structures her sessions based on lifestyle changes, behavior modifications with food, and creative and realistic meal planning strategies. 

In this episode you will learn:

• Jennifer works with adults and teens who have an unhealthy relationship with food or they want to change the relationship they have with food
• Nutritional food is for fueling the body and decreasing the cravings
• Gaining awareness of behavioral patterns or thoughts around food

For therapist and dietitians

• Need to begin to change what we consider normal in the media and change the language
• Discuss and recognize the negative “fat” talk-example “my cheeks are fat” or “I’m not beautiful”
• Begin to neutralize it with healthier thoughts, such as “those are my cheeks”
• Explore “What do I get out of that negative self-talk?”
• Negative self-talk can decrease confidence and self-esteem
• The number of sessions depends on what clients need or want from treatment and their level of commitment
• Dietitian helps with:
• Creating a food plan with the client Uses science and give specific recommendations of healthy diet
• Review behavior changes and the “why’s” behind behavior and food decisions
• Diet equals nourishment and life style change
• Research shows that those who skip breakfast eat more later in day
• Body slows downs, using brain energy at school and all this can create binging on foods after school/work
• Pack an apple and peanut butter, a smoothy or half a sandwich to eat for breakfast

For parents

• Talk about concerns or eating issues with your teenage daughter
• You may think “it will make it worse”, but if you have open conversations it can help
• Jennifer recommends F.E.A.S.T or http://www.feast-ed.org/
• Schedule an appointment just for yourself to begin the process and explore ways in communicating concerns about your teen
• Some prevention tips
  • Not talking about food as good or bad
  • Judging your own weight and making comments about it in front of your daughter
  • Don’t force your child to eat everything on their plate
• Today’s world we are emotional eaters, we use food as comfort
• Begin to use Hunger Scale
  • Rate your hunger from 1 to 10
  • One being extremely hungry
  • Five being neutral
  • Ten being you are Thanksgiving sick
• Can use app called “Rise Up” which is geared toward eating disorders, but can rate your hunger

Book Recommendations

Healthy at Every Size by Linda Bacon (http://www.lindabacon.org/haesbook/) Body Kindness book by Rebecca Scritchfield http://bodykindnessbook.com/ Rebecca’s podcast http://www.rebeccascritchfield.com/podcast/ Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Jennifer’s Information:

Website: http://eatwithknowledge.com/

For therapist: http://www.pursuingprivatepractice.com/ for book

Today’s guest is Dr. Melvin Varghese a psychologist in Philadelphia, PA and host of the popular podcast Selling the Couch. He is a colleague and my mentor in this podcasting journey. We discuss what perfectionism looks like from a male perspective, how it impacted Melvin growing up and how he manages it as an adult. One goal of this episode is to continue to raise awareness how perfectionism not only affects women, but men too and ways to challenge old thoughts/stories we tell ourselves. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn:

• How Melvin recognized perfectionism beginning as teenager and ways it manifested
• How he manages those behaviors and thoughts now
• Continuing to challenge societal beliefs about what it means to be a man

Embracing imperfection

• Men sometimes wear perfectionism as a badge of honor
• Society seems to have a double standard for men
• “When I hold this truth and embrace these imperfections is when others can see our humanity.”
• Give ourselves permission to feel both negative emotions and positive emotions
• Step into our growth edge
• Melvin shares how as a teenager perfectionism manifested in behaviors
• His family moved to U.S. when he was in second grade
• Wanted to do well academically for my parents and brother
• He identified his self-worth with his grades
• Began to manifest in some obsessive/compulsive behaviors, such as, how items on his desk were arranged
• Our minds can go to one extreme or other i.e. “I won’t live up to my potential” More pressure on teens today
• Can impact their views of self-worth Reminding them they are okay and failures are learning opportunities
• As an adult When he first created his business old perfectionism thoughts returned and he recognized fear of not being liked
• He combated perfectionism with:
  • Setting time limits for activities
  • Reminded himself-not about being perfect but about embracing imperfection
  • Using “both”/“and” vs “either”/“or”
  • Gaining self-awareness regarding old thoughts and beliefs
  • “I can put information out there and may not resonate with everyone and that is ok plus I can continue to tweak/modify as I go.”
  • Wants the world to see him as who he is

Self-Care skills:

• Has consistent morning routine
• Does 30 minutes of exercise
• Listens to TED talk Has meditation routine
• Plans day with 1 to 3 tasks
• Breaks day into 30 minute chucks
• Gets 8 hours of sleep each night

Recommendations:

Sue Johnson-Hold Me Tight

Brene Brown-The Gift of Imperfection

Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.-The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Melvin’s Information:

Website: http://sellingthecouch.com/

Coming soon for entrepreneur: http://melvinvarghese.com/

Todays guest is Laura Reagan LCSW-C. She is a Certified Daring WayTM facilitator, in private practice located in Severna Park, Maryland and has a podcast called Therapy Chat. She specializes in working with adults who have experienced some childhood relational trauma, such as emotional or physical neglect, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, or have witnessed domestic violence. On todays episode Laura shares what parents and teen girls can do if they believe they have been sexually abused.

In this episode you will learn:

• Laura defines sexual assault as: “any unwanted sexual touching (touching rear end, touching sexual body parts) to rape…child sexual abuse, sexual assault where no intercourse to rape.”
• Sexual abuse and assault is considered a trauma
• Statistics: 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys under age 18 yrs have had some type of unwanted sexual experience
• Often the person who has been sexually assaulted will not know they have been an answer the question as “no” when asked.
• But when ask more specific questions about unwanted sexual experiences they will disclose experiences
• Part of this is raising awareness of what sexual assault means
• If you are intoxicated you can’t give consent
• Maybe a sign you have been sexually assaulted if:
• You wake up and I feel like I have had sex but not in relationship,
• Wasn’t plan on having sex or
• Wasn’t interested in anyone this Y
• ou can go to college counseling office and speak to a professional
• If not sure what you want to do call 24 hour R.A.I.N.N. hotline at 1-800-656-4673

What can parent do:

• If you child, teen, or adult child discloses they have been sexually assault Focus on how they feel
• And try not to be overwhelmed with your own feelings of what you hear
• They are asking you for help and for your support
• Suspend disbelief
• Call the hotline number because you may not know what to do and they can help

What not to do:

• Let them think you don’t believe them
• That you don’t support them
• Because that is harmful to your child/teen
• It can be detrimental to recovery
• Why do some people develop post-traumatic symptoms?
• Studies show is depends on how well that person is supported when they tell someone
• Next step is helping person regain a sense of power and control again by giving them choices
  • Let her decide whether she wants to call the police
  • Unless it is child abuse then you need to report immediately, but help victim feel like they have options
• Do they need medical attention?
  • Does a forensic exam need to be completed? If child under 13 years old-need hospital pediatric forensic nurse examiner
• Again call R.A.I.N.N. hotline and they can give you where to go
• You can have an advocate through your local sexual assault crisis center to be there during every step of the process
• Have to ask for an advocate
• Advocates are specially trained, they know your rights and can help explain your choices
• Advocate is an outside objective person
• Can have them there at court if you do not want your parents or loved ones in the room
• Parents can have advocate as well
• Exams are free and advocates are free
• Sexual assault affects everyone and offenders can be either gender

Resources:

Allies in Healing-book for how to support an adult who was abused as a child

Local Sexual Assault Association For Indiana http://indianacesa.org/

State wide local coalition One Billion Rising Revolution http://www.onebillionrising.org/

1 in 6 organization-male survivors of sexual assault https://1in6.org/ RAINN https://www.rainn.org/

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Laura’s Information:

Website: www.therapychatpodcast.com

Podcast: Therapy Chat (iTunes, Stitcher, YouTube and iHeartRadio)