Today’s episode is about communicating more effectively with your teenage daughter through reflective listening and assertive communication. You are role modeling problem solving skills to her using these skills. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn: Brain develops from back to front Teens don’t have full frontal lobe until they are 24 to 26 years old Frontal lobe impacts executive functioning and impulse control

Listening:

Reflective listening or Active listening

• Improve problem solving skills for your teen daughter
• Parents ask yourself if this is your problem or hers.
  • Does this problem interfere with my rights or responsibilities?
  • Does it involve the safety of my teen or others?
  • If no then her problem
• You will reflect the emotions back or guess what she maybe feeling if she hasn’t stated an emotion
• Don’t force her to talk about what is going on if she doesn’t want to and let her know you are there for her
• Reflect both the positive and the negative times with her

Communication Styles:

• Passive communication-eyes down, withholding talking to other person for days or giving them a silent treatment.
  • Considered emotional abuse if you are not stating you need to take a conflict time-out or keep communication lines open
• Aggressive communication-name calling, yelling, using physical intimidation is also considered emotional or verbal abuse
• Assertive communication or using “I” statements is the healthy way to communication
  • Example: When _______________ (name the behavior), I feel ______________(state your emotion) because _________________. When we have plans to spend time together and you change your mind, I feel disappointed because I’ve been looking forward to being you.
• Using “I” statements shows we are responsible for our own emotions and not blaming or criticizing.
• Non-verbal communication needs to be open body language, eye contact and facing person
• If the issue is hers and she wants feedback to possible solutions Use open questions that start with when, what, who, which, where or how
• Gain understanding and clarify the problem Use brainstorming to find solutions
• Evaluate the ideas from brainstorming
• She needs to pick a solution
• Get a commitment and set a time for evaluating the solution
• If the issue is yours-you can use the above steps

Book Recommendations:

Nonviolent Communication-A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Parenting from the Inside Out by Dr. Daniel Siegel & Mary Hartzell, M. Ed.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Facebook page: www.Facebook.com/LaunchingYourDaughter/

Today’s guest is Jill Castle, registered dietitian nutritionist, author, podcaster, speaker and mother of four teenagers. Jill works with families with babies up to young adults. She encourages parents to support and guide their teenagers in learning the life skill of cooking. Teen girls need this life skill to understand how nutrition impacts their learning, memory and moods and also gain confidence in sustaining themselves once they move out of the family home. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn:

• A statistic states only 26% of today’s parents know how to cook
• Let teens experiment in the kitchen
  • they will burn food
  • they will create weird combinations
  • they will learn
  • and gain confidence
• Typically begin this skill by cooking or baking sweets
• Natural progression in learning skill
  • Baking-is a science and you follow recipes
  • Cooking-more flexible and more room for mistakes
  • Assembly of food-create salads, make own dressings, put together sandwiches
• Parents need to be supportive and there for their teenager daughter if they need guidance
• Keep communication open
• Maybe on weekends let teen be part of meal planning or preparing
• Girls may become concerned about gaining weight during this phase of life
• There is a healthy balance for each person and it is different for each person
• Need five cups of fruits/vegetables daily Structure eating vs skipping meals
• When teens skip meals they get hungrier later in day and can overeat
• Can reduce learning and retention when hungry
• Review where alcohol and sweets fit into diet, i.e. alcohol is a calorie source and diminishes the barrier to excess eating when under the influence

What you can do

• Simple food plans are okay
• Brainstorm families favorite meals
• Create meal calendar
• Have fun with cooking

Recommendations

Meal make over mom’s- http://www.mealmakeovermoms.com/

Their podcast is called Cooking with the Moms

Watch cooking shows or look at cookbooks for inspiration and ideas

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Jill’s Information:

Website: www.jillcastle.com

Podcast: The Nourished Child

Today’s guest is Maya Benattar, licensed creative art therapist and board certified music therapist in New York city and Manhattan, NY. Maya talks about her work with women and how singing, music and mindfulness can calm worries and fears. We know music is important to most teenagers and can be a great way for parents to connect with them. Music can help us transcend from the stuckness to a place of feeling seen and connected.

In this episode you will learn:

• Maya works primarily with women who struggle with anxiety “
• Triumph over anxiety to understand it and move through it.”
• Getting women out of their heads and “noticing” where their anxiety is and interrupting that cycle
• Disconnect between mind and body and relearning that connection through sound, sitting in uncomfortable for little bit and through creative ways

Techniques Used:

• Vocal psychotherapy-using voice, singing exercises
• Do not need to be a singer or have vocal training
• Use mindfulness around music that is meaningful to them Where do you feel it
• Connect to memories or associations Don’t necessarily need relaxing or soothing music to reduce anxiety
• “Leaning into the music that works for you.”
• Shares personal story of how music helped calm her
• Changing societal views regarding what types of music can sooth and relax

In Between Sessions

• If tapped into joyful/playful place-how can you access this before next session Brainstorm how person can continue this
• Uses index cards to record goals, words or phrases that was meaningful during session
• Helps with maintaining calm connected place between mind and body

Fears/Concerns

• Women more interested in creative approach
• Fear around being musical or old wounds regarding failed piano lessons or can’t sing More about how it feels vs sounds
• Safe environment and with person who is grounded and calm
• Usually music already resonates with client

Benefits

• Parents pause and listen to a sound track with your teenager can give you insight into them Listening to music can increase relationship connection
• Be present with your teen (not on phone or other devices)-helps validate who they are
• Gain greater range of self-expression
• Sit with and be with uncomfortable feeling-shares Brene Brown’s work of working with both joy and uncomfortable
• Give yourself permission to feel what you feel where you are and move through it vs avoid it.
• Nicole said, “Giving ourselves some grace to feel all the different emotions and move through it.”
• Use of metaphors-being curious about anxiety
• Exploring your story so the old story doesn’t have power over us.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Maya’s Information:

Website: www.mayabenattar.com

Free guided relaxation audio track: www.mayabenattar.com/guided-relaxation

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mayabenattarlcat

Twitter: www.twitter.com/mayabenattar

Book Recommendations: Brene Brown-Gift of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong

InSight Timer App-has meditations

Create a playlist of music for sleeping, work, when anxious or sad

Today’s guest is Amy Pender owner of SRI Investing. Amy’s passion for breaking down economic barriers for women and girls shines through this conversation. She encourages parents to make money a non-taboo topic. I remember my parents talking about saving, investing and being money conscious growing up, which has helped me as an adult. I hope this episodes encourages you to have more dialog about money with your daughter.

In this episode you will learn:

• SRI Investing is a team of financial advisors and they specialize in helping people invest in companies whose processes and products are not harming people or the planet
• Old myth- if you invest this way you give up return but 20 years research shows otherwise

Statistics:

Pink Tax: 42% of the time products marketed to women cost more than those marketed to men and boys

Tampon Tax: Feminine hygiene products-no male equivalent-are treated as “luxury tax” in most states

Earners or Gender Pay Gap-

• Woman earn $.79 for every $1.00 of what man earns-regardless of education or occupation.
• Takes three extra months to earn same as man in one year
• Mothers typically earn $.73 for every $1.00 of men (or $.06 less, which means extra 5 months of work to earn same amount.)
• 40% of U.S. household with children have mother who is sole or primary earner.
• Research shows once men become fathers they see a 6% increase in earnings and women see 4% decrease per child
• Closing this gap has slowed and at current rate will take over 100 years to close.

Good statistics:

Companies who have three or more women on board of directors the statistics show do:

84% better in return on sales

60% better return on capital and 4

6% better return on equity

What can you do to educate you daughter?

• Talk about how money works
• Parents openly discuss differences regarding spending/saving and finding ways to compromise
• Share belief systems-what were you taught as a child about money
• Teaching budgeting and money management skills
• Teach about credit and what it means
• American Association University of Women (AAUW) teaches negotiating skills to women/girls
• Empower our next generation to change the salary gap Salary does not equal your self-worth
• Advocate on behalf of daughters through legislation
• Educate son’s on not penalizing females

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio.

Amy’s Information:

www.SRIinvesting.com (There are two i’s)

amy@sriinvesting.com (Best way to get a hold of her is through email)

Website and Book Recommendations:

www.aauw.org They have negotiating salary workshops

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Meet with a financial advisor. SRI investing does coaching with families and couples.

Today’s guest is Stacey Horn who is a personal development coach specializing in relationships, and a clinical hypnotist in Colorado. In this episode she discusses the power of introverts and how the different temperaments can affect relationships between parents and their teen daughters. In this episode you will learn:

• Stacey shares her personal experience of her relationship with her mom as a teen and how she is changing that with her daughter
• Ray W Lincoln’s book “I’m a Keeper” was recommended to her years ago and she has incorporated his teachings into her professional work
• She uses Temperament Sorters by Ray W Lincoln and focuses on strengths
• How do you restore your batteries?
  • Staying in or going out with others
  • Takes introverts longer to process and respond *How do you take in information of the world?
• Use of five senses is “S”
• Or through sixth sense is “N” *How do you make decisions?
• Thoughts and analysis is “T”
• Or how do I feel or how others may feel is “F”
  • Hear differences in peoples use of language “I think” or “I feel” *Lifestyle preferences
• “J”-make decision and move on; Clear sense of time
• “P”-like to keep options open or until all information is in; Different awareness of time
• Every client completes a temperament key 
• This helps tailor hypnosis treatment
• Four temperament categories
  • SP-someone in the moment
  • SJ-sensory and driven; and motivated by responsibility
  • NT-analytical and intuitive; techies; show little emotion but feel it deeply
  • NF-intuitive and feeling; healers, counselors, nurses; more of 6th sense-a knowing vs clearly defined
• Stacey is a NF (saw lot of gray area) and her mom was SJ (saw things as black/white)-struggled during teen years
• Wants to help stop the disconnect between mothers and daughters
• Benefits
• Short term work
• Work with individuals then may share results between mother and daughter in how to bridge differences
• Can refer clients to books to gather more information
• Shares personal example of her getting involved with substances as teen due to being highly sensitive. She sees similar substance use with her adult clients “using substances to self medicate that sensitivity.”Having this knowledge may help teens prevent them from going through this.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This helps raise the ranking of it, so others who may not have access to mental health services or support in their local community can find it.

This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio.

Stacey’s Information: www.StaceyHorn.com

Does temperament and hypnosis work

Book Recommendations: Innerkinetics by Ray W Lincoln- for parents

I’m a Keeper

I’m Still a Keeper

www.raywlincoln.com

Today’s guest is NaKaisha Tolbert-Banks, licensed clinical social worker and addiction counselor, certified laughter yoga leader and certified empowerment coach in energy leadership here in Indianapolis, IN. She works with teen girls, adults and families to develop, strengthen, and enhance positive relationships with self and others through the understanding and use of laughter. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn: 

• Why laughter is used during sessions 
• No she doesn’t tell jokes 
• Parents come in frustrated with their teen daughter’s behavior She works with them in stopping and reflecting on events and behaviors and may begin to laugh at themselves for how they responded
• Begin to change perspectives (both parents and teen daughter) 
• Embrace having “do-overs”-not about perfection in parenting or with being a teen girl
• Empowering families
• “When one person in your inner circle is suffering it affects the whole unit: same when person is feeling empowered”
• Working with millennials-parents teenage year experiences are different era than their daughter’s now 
• Social media has changed the landscape 
• She shares how relationships are built and setting up a family bonding time 
• Stay flexible during this developmental stage

Benefits:

• Laughter is beneficial-helps with good oxygen levels into the body 
• Helps decrease stress-refocusing, shifts mind, “shakes the dust off” 
• In time of stress need to find clarity
• Gets endorphins going
• Yes you can fun in therapy

NaKaisha’s contact information:

www.DUOGiggles.weebly.com

Twitter @1stladygiggles

Facebook: DUOEmpowermentServices

Phone: 323-977-8570

Email: ntblaughter@gmail.com

Other Recommendations: YouTube videos on Laughter Yoga Apps for phone: CALM or Headspace

At the time of this recording high schools and colleges are beginning again. This can be both an exciting and nervous time for both teen girls and their parents. In today’s episode I want to explore creating rituals around your daughter preparing to graduate high school this year and going off to college next year or moving out of the family home. If she this is her first year at college I will be sharing some ideas to support her and you (the parents) in this change.

In this episode you will learn:

• There are various rituals all over the world that acknowledge, celebrate or reflect transitions in life. (Sometimes referred to as rites of passage.)
  • There are graduation ceremonies and open house parties for when your teenage daughter graduates high school 
  • We have funeral services to celebrate and remember those we loved
  • We have rituals around the change in seasons
  • One area I notice that seems to need a little help is creating a ritual within the family system to help with the transition from high to college or into young adulthood. 
  • This is a time for both your daughter and you where you maybe excited and nervous about the up coming changes 
• You may also feel sadness and loss, which is normal because one chapter in life is closing and another one is opening.
• Sometimes the sadness gets over looked or it can come out as anger Transitions are about personal development 
• Transitions involve grieving -of what you had, -of expectations that may not have occurred -of moving forward in what is to come

William Bridges in his book called Transitions states transitions involve an ending, a neutral zone and a new beginning. *

During the ending phase -

• Disengagement-“we find ourselves periodically being disengaged either willingly or unwillingly from the activities, the relationships, the settings, or the roles that been important to us.” 
• Disidentification-“In breaking the old connections to the world, the person loses ways of self-definition…most people in transition have the experience of not being quite sure who they are any more.” 
• Disenchanted-“But there is still the reality in that person’s head-a picture of the “way things are,” which ties the person to the old world with subtle strands of assumptions and expectations.” For example: parents sometimes lie for fear of being imperfect, friends let you down, etc “Many significant transitions not only involve disenchantment, they begin with it.”
• Disorientation-“One of the first and most serious casualties of disorientation is our sense of and plans for the future.” He states this part “affects not only our sense of space but our sense of time as well.” 

Neutral Zone is a “temporary state of loss” 

• Here you need to surrender-“the person must give in to the emptiness and stop struggling to escape it.” 
• Allow yourself to go inward. Bridges suggests setting aside alone time, writing your autobiography, writing about what you want in your life and think about what would be unlived if it was your last day. I suggest quiet time to my clients so the can continue to explore more of who they are in vs who they think they need to be

Making a beginning 

• “The lesson in all such experience is that when we are ready to make a beginning, we will shortly find an opportunity. The transition process involved an inner realignment and a renewal of energy, both of which depend on immersion in the chaos of the neutral zone.” 
• “Genuine beginnings depend upon this kind of inner realignment rather than on external shifts, for when we are aligned with deep longings, we become powerfully motivated.”

Rituals:

• Some ways to help with moving forward in the sadness and excitement is talking about it with one another. 
• Share your memories of times that made you laugh, your hopes you have for your daughter, ask her what she is hoping for and what she will miss when she is done with high school or moves out.
• Create a plan around having some quiet family time to reminisce or share favorite family meals together 
• Go out to her favorite restaurant or dessert place 
• Watch family movies together- It can be quiet entertaining to watch those past moments and help create a deeper family connection. 
• Ask her what she would like to do prior to moving out 
• Remind and encourage your daughter to stay in contact with her current high school friends when she leaves for college. Some of my teen clients think they have to establish all new relationships once they leave for college and think they can’t maintain their current friendships. Yes those relationships can change over time, but they do not need to end the friendships when they leave high school. Parents remember to keep having dates nights and spending time with other adult friends without your children 
• This is the time of letting go. Letting go of who you used to be and embracing the new you as your daughter moves on in her life 
• You have raised her, supported her, disagreed with her and loved her in the best ways you knew how. Now it is time for her to continue to branch out and spread her wings. “
• The ending of childhood is one part of the shift from life's’ morning (or dependency) to life’s noon (or independence). A second part of that shift involved establishing a separate identity, distinct from that of so-and-so child.”

School holidays or breaks: 

• Reflect and explore what is working and what isn’t with her. Find out if she is needing or wanting anything different from you or her support system 
• Continue to encourage and support her in her journey into young adulthood 
• Actively listen to her-you do not need to fix or do anything as she shares her experiences unless she is asking for advice (I will have a future episode in being present in listening) 
• Self care is important during transition 
• Allow yourself to explore or be curious on the other side of the change 
• There is an ending and a new beginning 
• As a therapist I have had the privilege of witnessing some pretty awesome family moments regarding creating rituals that fits for that specific family. Some just need a little nudge to say it is ok to this and sharing your feelings about the changes can be healthy process. You continue to role model to your daughter yo too have feelings about this transition and supporting her in her journey. 
• If you need more support I encourage you to seek counseling. If you are in the state of IN I offer both office and online or phone counseling http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com
• Book Recommendations: Transitions: Strategies for coping with the difficult, painful, and confusing times in your life by William Bridges

Welcome! Today’s guest is Amanda Campbell, licensed mental health counselor and life coach in Indianapolis, IN. She works with creating connection with distance couples and creating balance for busy moms. Today we focus her work in helping busy moms create a more organized life for themselves and their families. I also wanted to let you know I needed to mark the episode as explicit due to one swear word in the title of what Amanda is offering at the end of the show. There is no other swearing or cussing, but I wanted to share that with you so you know it is not throughout the episode.

In this episode you will learn: 

• Amanda explains the difference in counseling vs coaching services
• She works with busy moms who feel overwhelmed or stressed out
  • Whether mom works full time or stay at home with kids
  • Coaching can help with establishing goals, organization and positive perspective
• Amanda also offers working on goals of parenting and/or relationships
• She encourages family meetings (for more information on the importance of family meetings listen to Episode 2) and how the goals work for their family

Common Blocks:

• Mom’s may have expectations they have to do it all
  • Children are in many activities Need to have perfect meal plans
  • Amanda helps moms discern what they want in their life and what works for them
  • Establishing goals is looking at “is it realistic for you life”

Benefits

• Learn what organization is for your family 
• A system is created for your specific family needs
• How will it fit into your life Coaching packages
• Work two weeks on specific goals
• Organization is done around specific goals
• Doing a brain dump-write down specific tasks ,
• Break those down into smaller steps
• Helps keep things more manageable
• She uses Wunderlist and Evernote app 
• Separate daily and weekly To-Dos
• Do you like paper/pencil, wall calendars or technology or combo. Use system(s) that what works for you. 
• She does quiz to help understand where they struggle with time management
• Trial and error once you create a system. May need to be changed or modified. 
• System needs to evolve through different stages in life
• May change due to season, i.e.summer, when school starts or holidays
• It is self-created-make it what you want
• It is stopping the comparison factor with your life has to look like someone else's
• This creates feeling overwhelmed and perceived standard of “being perfect”
• Amanda gives personal example of placing an unrealistic expectation on herself and her family regarding birthday parties

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This helps raise the ranking of it, so others who may not have access to mental health services or support in their local community can find it. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio. You can also listen through Facebook at Launching Your Daughter page.

Amanda’s Information: http://www.busymomslifecoach.com/ Sign up for her upcoming online coaching package: Becoming Super Woman: How to have it all without losing your S***

Book Recommendations: Brene Brown-Gift of Imperfection Cline & Fay-Parenting with Love and Logic

Welcome! Today’s guest is Sharon Martin, licensed clinical social worker in San Jose, CA. She works with adolescents and adults in helping them embrace their imperfections as individuals and as a family.

In this episode you will learn:

• Sharon began her career working with teenagers 
• She is a mom of three children
• In her work she pulls from her own personal teen years and the struggles she had socially, being sensitive person, and with perfectionism
• “Lost sense of who I was”
• Perfectionism can impact both teens and adults
  • Increase stress levels
  • If I’m not perfect, then it will be catastrophic
  • Attempting to people please and look for approval of who you are
• Teens need to separate, become individuals and mess up and learn from their mistakes
• Supporting parents is similar to how working with teens
  • Help parents in letting go
  • Explore how they as parents are separate from children
  • What do you imagine the the worst thing is going to happen and how realistic is it that it will happen
  • Inner exploration vs looking outside yourself for validation
• Parallel Processes
  • Teens-grappling with identity of who am I
  • Women-can have “lost of sense of self” as mom and rediscovering who they are
• Why they seek therapy:
  • To find out “Am I ok” for the teenager and for parents it is “will my child going to be ok”-giving them reassurance and hope
  • Educating being imperfect is enough
  • Change in brain development for this stage
  • We are all imperfect
  • Helpful for parents to model imperfections with children
  • Role model that making mistakes is normal
• Life is a journey not a destination
• Benefits of therapy:
  • Help parents and teens explore internal values
  • You will be able to handle anything life throws at you
• Teens imagine ideal life that won’t turn out exactly like they imagine.
• Parts of it will be better than expected and parts of it worse than thought.
• Learn how to take healthy risks

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio. To sign up for the newsletter and receive updates go to: http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Sharon’s Information:

http://sharonmartincounseling.com/

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/

Book Recommendations: Dr. Kirstin Neff’s-Self-Compassion

Welcome! Today’s guest is Mercedes Samudio a licensed clinical social worker turned parent coach. She is located in Huntington Beach, CA. Mercedes passion to help end parent shame and empowering families comes through clearly. In today’s episode she shares her work with families in discovering their strengths, areas they are needing support and giving them tools to help navigate the tween and teen years. We also talk about perfectionism and how that impacts parenting and your teenager.

In this episode you will learn:

• Mercedes speaks to parents in discovering and unlocking their unique parenting powers
• She takes what the families know, explores what they need and teaches how to implement the tools she gives and what they learn on their own
• Tween and teen parenting-more exposed with technology which changes their level of development
• How to understand these development stages
• What your tween/teen should be developing
• • Normalize changes
  • Helps parents guide child in healthier ways
  • Teachs communication skills
• Trained in Nonviolent Parenting by Ruth Beaglehole
• • You as a parent help build up child development
  • Foundation is both are humans and learning to navigate this journey together
• We all want to be seen and heard
• Mercedes developed “Ending Parent Shame” programs due to parents feeling shamed by others
• She wants to create a culture when we don’t treat parents that they or their children have to be perfect
• Help them learn being a parent or being a child is the journey
• Unlearning old family belief systems
• Learning healthy ways of connecting is foundation of family
• Ending the strive for perfection because it doesn’t exist
• Common wants of parents:
• • Want kids to listen
  • Want others to see this beautiful child
  • Help model to children ok to have frustrations through connection
• Shame proofing Parents
• • Flaws, strengths and all is family, not the dysfunction
  • Stopping the comparison of Pinterest posts, Facebook posts, etc
  • Fantasy of perfection
  • Ending the comparisons to other parents or families
  • You don’t know the behind-the-scenes for them to get to where they are at
• Recommendations:
• • Put down the parenting books
  • • Look at your children
    • Both their strengths and weaknesses
    • Books are good foundations, but real knowledge comes with who you interact with
    • Also building in when your teen fails or makes bad decisions creating resilience

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. 

Website is http://launchingyourdaughter.com

I want to invite you to join my new FB group called Launching Your Daughter. Here you find not only the weekly episodes, but I share articles and blogs to help encourage and inform.

Mercedes’s Information:

www.theparentingskill.com

Today’s guest is Marni Goldberg a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor in La Jolla, California. Marni works with college bound teens and their parents in mindfulness skill building to help them manage the transition. In today’s episode she shares her own personal experience in managing anxiety when she was younger to learning new skills when at college. In this episode you will learn: *Marni’s personal experience of working with anxiety when younger

*Can be difficult transition from high school to college

*Marni began to create programs to teach life skills to ease transition

*Teenager may have excelled in high school, but have others in college that also excel and perfectionism can set in

*Pressures on having high achievements vs knowing internal strengths and being enough

*Coping skills that are taught:

*Self-monitoring-how you feel, what are your thoughts *Body awareness-do you need more sleep

*Time management

*Physical exercise

*Relaxation techniques

*Getting involved in social events and social support

*Raising awareness helps in being more proactive in getting support vs waiting until anxiety or depression symptoms feel overwhelming

*Mindfulness can help manage insecurities and “need to know now” thoughts from perceived external drivers

*Parents have loving intentions in supporting teens in high school and may not realize doing too much for teen doesn’t teach decision making skills

*Role play with your teen regarding getting on public transportation or doing an activity for first time on their own

*Exploring your teenagers fears

*Create a plan together

*Marni shares own stories with her clients regarding having to write her first check and being able to laugh at herself with self-compassion

*Explore potential risky situations and what to do

*Marni works mostly with families or young adults who are ready to make a change in their life

*Psycho-education for parents regarding creating safe container for their teen and confidentiality of a session

*Important to have parents involved and help improve relationships between parents and teen

*Relaxation techniques

*Gratitude journaling

*Progressive relaxation and guided meditation

*Writing down teens strengths

*Self-compassion

*Get out into nature

*Play/have some fun

*Does a strength assessment at beginning of therapeutic process

*Reminds teens it is ok to stay connected with high schools and build new relationships at college

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. http://launchingyourdaughter.com I want to invite you to join my new FB group called Launching Your Daughter. Here you find not only the weekly episodes, but I share articles and blogs to help encourage and inform.

Marni’s Information: http://www.mindfulmatterscounseling.com/

Welcome! Today’s guest is Anne Halleck, licensed mental health counselor and certified yoga teacher here in Indianapolis. She works with women and teen girls providing trauma informed group yoga.

In this episode you will learn:

• Yoga has eight different stages
• Yoga is not only exercise, but increasing mindfulness and awareness Anne provides Trauma Informed Yoga groups for women/teen girls
• Eight weeks long
• Closed groups
• Psycho-education on what is trauma
• Some talk therapy
• Each week introduce new mindfulness practice (some yoga and more breathing techniques/meditation)
• Gain new skills to help calm the body and mind 
• Can process emotions during group and be held in supportive way in moving through intense or strong emotions 
• Anne had been doing group work separately and her yoga practice separately, then brought both modalities together for trauma work 
• Bringing awareness to the body can help reduce the stress levels and stop avoiding sensations that can seem scary
• Benefits of trauma informed yoga:
  • Gain awareness of emotional and physical self 
  • Stop the avoidance of feeling the emotions 
  • Decrease avoidance of autoimmune issues, chronic pain or eating issues 
  • Build confidence 
  • Talking and practicing the skills 
  • Increase distress tolerance and self-soothing
  • Increase awareness of your self-talk
  • Be more in the moment, present
  • Help getting unstuck out of freeze mode
• Yoga is for every body type 
• Yoga is a mindfulness practice not necessarily a religious practice 
• Gain confidence in giving yourself permission to be vulnerable in a group and decrease minimizing or comparing what you have experienced.
• Trauma can be:
  • Major losses
  • Emotional trauma
  • Abusive relationships
  • Neglect
  • Natural disasters
• Symptoms can include: 
  • High anxiety 
  • Flashbacks of event 
  • Re-experiencing trauma
  • Being on edge 
  • Avoiding things that remind you of the trauma
• Some statistics for women: 
  • 1 out of 4 women is sexually assaulted in their lifetime (CDC states 1 out of 2 women experience sexual violence victimization) *
  • Of the 1 out of 4, 70 percent have a trauma prior to 18 years old *
  • Many sexual assaults happen by someone the family knows or acquaintance
• It is possible to get unstuck and regain your confidence

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Anne’s Information: @AnneHalleckCounseling on FaceBook annehalleckcounseling@gmail.com

Book Recommendations:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. Overcoming Trauma through Yoga:Reclaiming your body by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper, PH.D.

Other websites:

https://www.rainn.org/statistics http://www.ncadv.org/learn/statistics http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/nisvs/infographic.html

Welcome! Today’s guest is Dr. Nazanin Moali, clinical psychologist in California specializing in treatment of eating disorders and addictions. She has a private practice in LA area for teens and families and is a consultant for a residential facility. Nazanin is a wealth of information regarding warning signs, the spectrum of eating disorders and the type of treatments available if your daughter is struggling with these issues. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn:

• Focus on behaviors vs what adolescent says due to possible denial of an issue
• Teen may state as “I want to eat healthier”
• Warning Signs of potential eating disorder:
• Teenager getting and reading diet books
• Changes in eating behaviors (out of blue become vegetarian)
• Going to restroom during or after meal possible purging behaviors
• Spectrum from healthy eating and self-image to unhealthy eating behavior and self-image
• Unhealthy eating behaviors:
  • Losing significant amount of weight in short amount of time
    • Can cause long term negative medical issues
    • Possible Anorexia
  • Engaging in restriction of not eating food and doing purging behavior
    • Can be the form of over-exercising
  • Using laxatives
  • Self-induced vomiting (can be learned from peers and social media)
    • Parents become more aware of possible videos daughters are watching that show them how to purge
  • Binge eating disorder-eat more than one person would typically eat. Overeating than shame triggered after behavior
  • Avoidant Food Restrictive disorder-“picky eaters”
• Treatment options:
  • Speak with your partner and daughter about possible issues, then go to pediatrician who work with eating disorder
  • If medically stable can do outpatient therapy using family based therapy so whole family is involved
  • Residential treatment maybe recommended if not getting results from outpatient or pediatrician refers due to medically not stable, like low heart rate or low blood pressure
• Eating disorder are a combination of genetics, environment, school system environment, peers and more
• Teen in denial and need parent to take change to get help Anorexia can impact cognition and view of their world or perceptions
• Differentiate your daughter from eating disorder Maybe a perfectionist or star at school and this image can get in way of seeing issues
• Research shows 50% of women on diet.
• Body shaming in media can trigger shame
• Creating resilience and prevention:
  • Look at parts you like, what you are grateful for to shift mindset as a family
  • Have regular family meals-not only connecting but role modeling healthy foods

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Nazanin’s Information: www.oasis2care.com

Book Recommendations: Helping Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder by James Lock, MD, PhD & Daniel Le Grange, PhD.

Welcome! My guest today is Rebecca Wong LCSW. Rebecca is a relationship therapist and professional consultant in private practice in New York's Hudson Valley where she lives with her husband, two children, and a few four legged mischief makers. She is the creator of Connectfulness, a relationship practice that she uses to help her clients and colleagues understand, manage, and value their own humanity as a tool to connect to themselves and all of the important people in their lives. She believes that our relationships are reflections of who we really are and every interaction is an opportunity for evolution. Every day she embraces life as a beautiful, messy, serendipitous adventure! 

In this episode you will learn:

• Rebecca works with parenting couples
• Why connectedness is important
• Play is relationship “glue”
• Happy relationships take practice
• Everyone wants to feel seen, heard and understood
• What is play and how to embody it In the context of a safe environment and relationship
• Connection with self improves connections with partners
• Different archetypes of play
• Creating and allowing mindful moments
• We also need disconnection moments Using equine assisted psychotherapy with couples
• Horses reflect patterns in couples
• Horses are asking a question when they approach a person and we try to figure out the question. (Same with human to human)
• Duality of using horses-they can intimidate us and can help us stand in our own truth
• Rebecca is beginning to to train her puppy in animal assisted therapy. She observes her dog’s behavior and reflects it back to the couple to explore possible patterns in their relationship.
• Animals can help humans be in present moment
• Need more kindness and it starts with ourselves
• Accepting our imperfections
• Slow down, tune in, and then can show up (self-compassion and self-care)
• Rebecca discusses Kim John Payne’s work-Simplicity Parenting
• If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Rebecca’s Information:

http://Connectfulness.com

21 Days Series-Collaborative email series with Rebecca, a meditation teacher and financial planner on your money stories

Book Recommendations:

Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen, Ph.D.

Parenting from the Inside Out by Dr. Daniel Siegel

Play by Dr. Stewart Brown

Welcome. At the time of this recording it is summer and many teenagers have part-time jobs. If you haven’t been talking about why it is important to save or have a budget now is the time. Ideally teaching your daughter from an early age is helpful, but if you haven’t it is ok. Today’s episode is not about financial advice, but gaining an understanding of your family beliefs around money and how to help set your daughter up to succeed in managing her money. I recommend speaking to an accountant or financial adviser for specific advice on financial planning.

Here’s what you learn in today’s episode:

• Create a budget with specific percentages of how much is saved, spent and given to charitable contributions
• Establish a savings and/or checking account for her at the bank
• Set-up a family meeting to discuss money management, creating a budget and meeting weekly to review how the process is going
• Teaching her budgeting skills now will assist her as an adult to be more financially savvy and feel empowered.
• Explore your own beliefs and values around money. What messages did you receive about money growing up and what messages are you giving your daughter?
• Read books on budgeting or money management from authors such as Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman or others.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. Or go to http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Welcome! My guest today is Dr. Melissa Dettore who is a psychologist and yoga instructor. She is  located in Philadelphia, PA.

Melissa offers a variety of workshops for adults and teens wanting to manage their anxiety or depression symptoms using yoga and mindfulness in her practice. She explains how mindfulness can change the brain and help in managing stressors in life. I have done yoga on and off for years and love how it allows for each person to focus on their breathing, become more aware of their body and moving into a pose. I find it to be a great way to do moving meditation. I hope you enjoy the episode as much as I did with Melissa. I think yoga and mindfulness can not only benefit teen girls, but support parents as well. 

In this episode you will learn:

• Melissa has been doing yoga and mindfulness for years
• Melissa shares a personal experience of how mindfulness and her yoga practice helped her through cancer treatment.
• Yoga and mindfulness have the following benefits:
• • Reduce stress
  • Reduce anxiety and depression
  • Create new connections in the brain
• Facts about yoga to address concerns:
• • Any body type can do yoga
  • Can go at your own pace
  • Do not have to have specific outfit to do yoga
  • We all have fears
  • Listen to your own body, creating a mind/body connection
  • Yoga can help parents role model to daughters about practicing mindfulness regarding our own judgements and expectations and letting them go

• Basic Foundations of mindfulness
• • Awareness
  • Being in present moment
  • Non-judgment and letting go of judgments
  • Beginners mind-looking at everything through new set of eyes and staying curious

• For teen girls-gaining skills around awareness, non-judging and acceptance are important
• Some of mindfulness and yoga practices are based in Buddhist philosophy
• Girls who struggle with “anxiety aren’t in present moment and worried about the future.If feeling depressed they are stuck in the past. Mindfulness they can begin to bring awareness back to here and now.”
• Mindfulness can help lower breathing rate, feel more calm, and can use these techniques before a test to reduce stress level or do some yoga stretches in the morning.
• Mindfulness “is like strength training-you want to build the mind muscles up.”
• During meditation it is normal for your mind to wonder and have thoughts
• • notice them and bring yourself back to breathing
  • Thoughts are like clouds in the sky, just let them pass by.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. 

Melissa’s information:

http://drdettore.com

Book Recommendations:

The Mindful Teen by Dr. Dzung Vo

A Still Quiet Place: Mindfulness for Teens by Amy Saltzman, MD

Jon Kabat-Zinn’s books

Yoga journal and http://www.yogajournal.com/?s=teen for videos

Welcome! My guest today is Charlotte Hiler Easely who is a licensed clinical social worker of Charlotte Hiler Easely LLC. She is trained in EMDR, certified in equine assisted psychotherapies through PATH, Int. and EAGALA and located in Lexington, KY.

Charlotte offers a variety of workshops for women and one of them she mentions in our conversation is called “Gracefully Letting Go”. This workshop is for Moms who have children that are graduating and preparing to leave the nest. She talks about how mom’s are asked “how do I do this with grace and manage all the emotions?” Working with horses is an experiential approach. I have done this work in the past and I worked with an equine specialist. I found this approach to be helpful and create positive changes for the families I worked with. I hope you enjoy the episode as much as I did with Charlotte. Her work with mothers and using horses can create deeper connections and improve confidence levels.

In this episode you will learn:

*Why horses are used and how they can help women/mothers gain better self-awareness, improve communication skills and set healthy boundaries.

*Horses are large and powerful. This creates a natural opportunity for some to overcome fear and develop confidence. Working alongside a horse, in spite of those fears, creates confidence and provides wonderful insight when dealing with other intimidating and challenging situations in life.

*Horses are social animals, with defined roles within their herds. *Horses are non-judgmental and non-critical.

*Charlotte shared that during a session she will check in with the woman on what their horse is doing. She will comment on observing the horse’s behavior, ask the woman to reflect back what she thinks the horse is doing and how it applies to the woman’s life.

*Because horses can read and respond to the nonverbal messages we are always sending, they begin to act in ways that feel familiar to other relationships or dynamics in our lives.

*The horse’s prey-nature and intense sensitivity to subtle changes in their environment and to changes in humans (we are predatory creatures) make them perfect partners to teach us a wide range of life and coping skills. They are reflectors of our true selves because their very survival depends on reading us right.

*They provide us with information about non-verbal communication, emotions, and changes in our awareness. Observing horse reactions to our actions and behavior helps further self-awareness.

Charlotte gives examples of how a herd of horses are used during the workshop and applying that to the mother’s family where her teen daughter is leaving. Horses can help parents learn to observe behaviors, explore how that behavior impacts the horse herd and begin to relate it back on how it may affect their other children. “How is that like your teenager who is leaving the herd while the rest of you are staying with the herd?”

*This work is done on the ground and there is no riding. You do not need horse experience. Horses can help women be vulnerable in a new way and not be in control at all times. Working with horses can help the women take off their masks and for their hearts to begin to open allowing them to feel what they may have been afraid to feel.

*Horses help us practice being in the moment and being present. Becoming more aware of our surroundings, your body, keeping yourself safe and practice new ways of being. It also helps different parts of the brain begin to light up and change due to activation of being mindful.

Charlotte shared when we are more mindful of our behaviors this can help create deeper connections in our children. “If we look at how do we approach a horse in his space and then how do we approach our daughters space in a way that we can share with her information that we think is valuable. It is about your body postures not your words.”

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

Charlotte’s information: http://lexingtonwomenstherapy.com/

Facebook: charlottehilereasleyLCSW

Pintrest: cheeasleylcsw

Resources:

www.EAGALA.org (Can find local providers on the site)

www.pathintl.org

Gratitude Journal-write down what you are grateful for and what is working in your life.

Book Recommendations: Chris Irwin: Horses Don’t Lie (for those thinking of going into this work or understand horse behavior more)

Townsend and Cloud book series on Boundaries

Brene Brown: Gift of Imperfection

Kirstin Neff: Self-compassion

Linda Graham LMFT: Bouncing Back

Today’s Book Corner episode is on Amy Cuddy’s book called Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges published in 2015 by Little, Brown and Company; Hachette Book Group in New York. Amy was in a car accident when she was 19 years old and left her with a traumatic brain injury. Amy talks about how it left her feeling “anxious, disoriented, making bad decisions, not sure what to do next” in her life. Currently she is a Harvard Business School professor and social psychologist, known around the world. Throughout this book, Amy shares scientific research and interviews on the connection between our bodies and minds. How we can manage challenges and stressors in our lives through being present, more aware of body poses and small nudges can make a big differences. She defines presence as “..is the state of being attend to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values, and potential.” (p.24) She shares that when we are present we can: feel more confident be more authentic, help others feel more seen and heard, and have more personal power.

She discussed impostor syndrome, how most of us have felt this at one time or another and it is not just felt by women or specific demographics. “When we feel like imposters, we don’t attribute our accomplishments to something internal and constant, such as talents or ability; instead we credit something beyond our control, such as luck.” (p. 101)

Amy shares illustrations in the book on powerful vs powerless poses and how we hold our bodies impacts our thoughts and feelings. She shares some of William Jame’s research from the 1800’s on the body/mind connections. In her TED talk she shares doing the Wonder Woman pose and in the book shares a women sharing her and her family “starfish up” (standing with your arms above your head as if you scored a goal and your feet hip width apart.) If you are not feeling confident or struggling with anxiety, try standing in one of these poses for a minute or two and notice if you begin to feel different. Another body/mind connection she speaks about is yoga. In future podcast episodes I will share interviews with yoga instructors and how this can help reduce anxiety or depressive symptoms.

The last part of the book, Amy discussed how small incremental changes, or nudges, can lead to big changes in our lives. “Nudges are effective for several reasons: 1.Nudges are small and require minimal psychological and physical commitment 2.Nudges operate via psychological shortcuts, 3. Our attitudes follow from our behaviors” Remember the neurons that fire together wire together, which means when you do specific behaviors over and over those behaviors are reinforced.

As Amy states in her TED talk and in this book “Don’t fake it till you make it, fake it till you become it.”

I hope you have enjoyed the brief review of Amy Cuddy’s book. You can find a link on my resource page at http://launchingyourdaughter.com Or watch her TED talk from 2012. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are

If you are seeking therapy for your daughter and located in Indiana, I offer virtual or online counseling. Please go to http://launchingyourdaughter.com

My guest today is Kirsten Goffena who is a LPC (licensed professional counselor), RPT (registered play therapist), NCC (national certified counselor) and level 2 EMDR practitioner. She is the owner of Pathfinders Counseling LLC and located in Fort Collins, Colorado.

Kirsten offers various types of experiential therapy, such as play therapy, sand play, animal assisted, and works systemically. Systemically means she works with children and parents or the whole family. She has a newsletter in which she does “Life Hacks”. Today we are talking about how play therapy and animal assisted therapy, not only works with younger children, but with teenagers and families. Also how these two types of experiential modalities can help decrease anxiety and improve relationships.

In experiential therapy you are involving the whole being, which is a more holistic approach. “You are not just using your cognitive abilities or your mind, but using the body as well, sometimes called somatic, or the use of dance and movement.”

“Play therapy with young children works well because they don’t have the language. They can use the toys to express themselves. For children 12 and up I use play in different ways. I use art, music, sometimes we go out in nature and take the dog for a walk, which can help teens relax, and begin to trust the therapist.” Luna is Kirsten’s therapy dog and her presence helps everyone feel more relaxed and calm. Research shows animal assisted therapy can reduce anxiety.

Experiential therapy works well with teenagers.

Kirsten explained how play therapy can reduce anxiety with teenagers. “Anxiety is the number one issue I see these days. Trying to fit in, be the way society wants you to be, and pressures put onto them. They get to use their language in play therapy. Often parents will bring their children in and ask me to fix their child. The child then thinks there is something wrong with them. The experiential therapy I use can help them get to know themselves and hopefully get to where they value and love themselves. And where they can get to a place where they express themselves authentically in the world vs pretend to be somebody they are not, which is the underlying issue of anxiety or pressures.”

How does this process work with the parents? “I want to bring the parents into the process. Children are functioning within multiple systems and the most important system is the family system. I may see the child one week and the parents the next week or do a joint (family) session. Depends on the comfort of the parents and the issue. Children can show their parents what they are learning in session. Children want to be seen and heard.”  Kirsten states that “having their voice heard by their parents, in my presence, can be very empowering for the children and the family.”

Parents often feel vulnerable or have shame come up about their child struggling and Kirsten works with giving support to the parents. Kirsten began this career when her children were teenagers and observed parents being shamed. “Aren’t we all in this together? It is already difficult being a parent…All parents I work with are honestly doing the best they can and love their children unconditionally.” Part of our role is helping support parents in addressing their fears or old family beliefs. Kirsten also emphasized the importance of parents taking good care of themselves. She is treating the whole family, not just the child. “It’s permission to take care of themselves (i.e. parents). (Parents)Your self-care is role modeling to your children and that is huge…it helps the whole family, calming the nervous system of whole family.”

For more information about Kirsten and her work please visit http://pathfinderscounselingllc.com/

You can sign up for her newsletter called “Life Hacks” on her website.

Book recommendations:

Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay (For young adult women in their 20’s)

Emotional Intelligence by Goldman

Daniel Siegel books

Play by Stewart Brown (Discusses why play is so important)

Today I am going to discuss why anxiety doesn’t equal bad or something is wrong with you and five ways to help manage or cope with it.

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? I have to get an A in all my classes, otherwise I won’t get into college. I can’t tell mom and dad because it might make them sad or angry? I don’t know why Jane didn’t talk to me during class. She was texting me before school. Sure I can do that for you, no problem, but you are already feeling overwhelmed.

As school comes to a close for the year it is not uncommon for anxiety levels to rise. It can happen again at the end of summer for the beginning of the next school yr. If your daughter is a senior and graduating this year she may feel more nervous and anxious about the next chapter in her life. Which is normal.

Anxiety related mental health disorders are higher in female than males.

The DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fifth edition) has a chapter on Anxiety disorders: Separation Anxiety (for younger children), selective mutism, specific phobias, social anxiety, panic disorder, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety, substance/medication-induced anxiety, anxiety disorder due to another medical condition, or other. The DSM V has a separate chapter on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Trauma-and Stressor-related disorders.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder Diagnostic Criteria includes (per DSM V):

-Excessive anxiety and worry, occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities

-The individual finds it difficult to control the worry

-The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) of the following six symptoms (with at least some symptoms having been present for more days than not for the past six months):

-Restless or feeling keyed up or on edge.

-Being easily fatigued

-Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank

-Irritability

-Muscle tension

-Sleep disturbance

-The anxiety, worry, or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas  of functioning

-The disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition

-The disturbance is not better explained by another mental disorder

Five coping skills or tools to reduce anxiety

1. Journaling-write down worries or fearful thoughts
2. Listening to music-music that makes you feel more calm, happy or distract you
3. Exercise-helps release tension, increase awareness regarding how you hold your body, and body posture can impact emotions. Yoga can increase mindfulness and breathing
4. Talking to friends and family that you trust. Listeners are there to reflect what the speaker is saying vs fixing or rescuing the person
5. Mindfulness practice-guided meditations, progressive muscle relaxation, sitting or walking meditations, and deep breathing techniques.
6. Seek professional help to manage or break the cycle of getting stuck in the anxiety.

For more information about mindfulness practice please go to http://launchingyourdaughter.com and sign up for my newsletter.

On todays episode we are discussing how Laura Reagan's certification as a certified Daring Way^TM  facilitator not only assists in creating deeper connections in her groups, but how it helped her be a better clinician and can be used in individual therapy. The Daring Way^TM certification program is based on a shame resiliency model created by Brene Brown. It is about identifying how shame shows up in your life, building resiliency to it and how to show up authentically in your relationships.

Parenting can be very vulnerable because we want to show up as if we have all the answers. If you can allow yourself to be vulnerable and to be imperfect, it is a great role model to your children. Laura discussed in her own community how external pressures have increased on adolescents regarding academic achievements, being in sports, being the best in the sport and having high achievements. Being able to role model that you are not perfect, don’t need to be perfect and it is ok to do your best, but not be perfect, creates deeper connections with your children and your partner.

Today teens are trying to look good for pictures and will repeatedly take a photo until they get it right. The expectation is that you better look good, your teeth need to be white, you need to shave off that weight, and you see same smile on every picture vs seeing the true emotion of the person. It is normal to feel awkward or unsure of yourself at this age. Our society has an expectation that girls need to look like models or look a certain way. The message is you matter if a you look a certain way. It is not a conscious process with the girls. This is harmful if your belief is how you look on the outside defines your worth. As an adult woman if you heard messages from your mom about her being concerned about her looks or her weight, it can get internalized and becomes your adult inner critic. You have to live your life as yourself vs expectations of the world or your family.

The Daring Way^TM is a psychoeducation model. This model was designed to be done with groups because it is about creating deeper connections. Group work can be powerful because you can relate to others, feel seen and heard and supported. If a person has unresolved trauma they may need individual work first, then as they feel more confident, do the group work.”

Laura currently does adult group work with this model. The biggest barrier is adults hear her work, but hope that therapy will be fast. When you haven’t been someone who has given yourself permission to go inward and have been falling into perfectionist behavior or people pleasing, giving yourself that much attention and focus might be foreign to you. The person may show up thinking it is a quick fix, but Laura does deeper inner work so the person can be transformed and do group work.

Some of the benefits of this type of work is giving yourself permission for self-care, doing inner work and role modeling to children that it is ok to invest in yourself and for you to show up authentically in your relationships. You can have deep meaningful connections when you do this inner work. When there is a change in the system the whole system changes. This model works well for both women and men. You can gain a deeper connection to self, discover your inner wants/needs and can communicate that with your partner and children. It can also help children feel seen and heard and that they are enough.

Laura uses this parts of this model in working with teens. She takes it from good/bad, failure/success, to you were brave and showed up in front of people, and the outcome doesn’t matter. Our constructs are made up. Life is are you learning, are you growing, and living a life that is fulfilling and meaningful vs achievement.

The certification process helped her identify barriers she used to have as clinician and after training it allowed her to be herself, be authentic and vulnerable, not where her clients are taking care of her, but her being more transparent with them.

Laura recommends mindfulness-getting grounded and being in present moment and self-compassion practice. What I learned in Daring Way^TM training, you are separate from others when you are judging them thus you're judging yourself. When you judge yourself it gets in the way of self compassion. When you have more self acceptance of yourself, you will have more compassion and acceptance of others. Self compassion is key to connectedness.

Laura’s information: www.laurareaganlcswc.com and Therapy Chat podcast (on iTunes, Stitcher and Googleplay)

For more information on Brene Brown’s book please visit my resource page on http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Family meetings are important because they give your teen daughter an opportunity to participate in decision making and to learn the democratic process. Purpose of the meetings are: to make plans and decisions, solve problems, plan for family activities and provide support and encouragement. They are an opportunity for each person to be heard, have a chance to discuss and change decisions they maybe struggling with and can help settle conflicts. Eight steps in making the meetings productive: 1. Create specific day and time for weekly meetings, 2. Rotate a chairperson and note taker, 3. Establish and stay within time limits, 4. Everyone has a chance to offer ideas and suggestions, 5. Everyone is encouraged to bring up issues, 6. Come with solutions vs complaints only, 7. Opportunities to divide up household chores, and 8. Plan for family activities. Leadership skills taught in family meetings are assertive communication, reflective listening, brainstorming, creating structure,summarizing, getting commitments, providing feedback, direct interactions and encouragement. 

In Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Our Adolescent Girls, Dr. Mary Pipher shares how our American culture is impacting our adolescent girls. Dr. Pipher gives various vignettes from teen girls who struggle with body image, to social pressure, to depression, anxiety and more. She explores what it looks like from the inside of an adolescents girl’s world and asks some thought provoking questions. Dr. Pipher has a chapter for mothers, fathers, family systems and divorce. She talks about some questions she would ask her adolescent girls to journal about in hopes of them discovering more about themselves vs splitting off from their authentic self. Even though this book was written in 1990, it is still relevant in what adolescent girls struggle with today.

Welcome to Launching Your Daughter podcast. In this episode Nicole Burgess Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the host of Launching Your Daughter podcast introduces herself and talks about what to expect on the podcast. The podcast will discuss topics such as anxiety, depression, preparing for college, managing time and money, relationship issues, parenting, communication skills, mindfulness, and alternative psychotherapy approaches. There will be interviews with psychotherapists and other professionals, with the focus on empowering parents and their teen daughters.