Today’s guest is NaKaisha Tolbert-Banks, licensed clinical social worker and addiction counselor, certified laughter yoga leader and certified empowerment coach in energy leadership here in Indianapolis, IN. She works with teen girls, adults and families to develop, strengthen, and enhance positive relationships with self and others through the understanding and use of laughter. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn: 

• Why laughter is used during sessions 
• No she doesn’t tell jokes 
• Parents come in frustrated with their teen daughter’s behavior She works with them in stopping and reflecting on events and behaviors and may begin to laugh at themselves for how they responded
• Begin to change perspectives (both parents and teen daughter) 
• Embrace having “do-overs”-not about perfection in parenting or with being a teen girl
• Empowering families
• “When one person in your inner circle is suffering it affects the whole unit: same when person is feeling empowered”
• Working with millennials-parents teenage year experiences are different era than their daughter’s now 
• Social media has changed the landscape 
• She shares how relationships are built and setting up a family bonding time 
• Stay flexible during this developmental stage

Benefits:

• Laughter is beneficial-helps with good oxygen levels into the body 
• Helps decrease stress-refocusing, shifts mind, “shakes the dust off” 
• In time of stress need to find clarity
• Gets endorphins going
• Yes you can fun in therapy

NaKaisha’s contact information:

www.DUOGiggles.weebly.com

Twitter @1stladygiggles

Facebook: DUOEmpowermentServices

Phone: 323-977-8570

Email: ntblaughter@gmail.com

Other Recommendations: YouTube videos on Laughter Yoga Apps for phone: CALM or Headspace

At the time of this recording high schools and colleges are beginning again. This can be both an exciting and nervous time for both teen girls and their parents. In today’s episode I want to explore creating rituals around your daughter preparing to graduate high school this year and going off to college next year or moving out of the family home. If she this is her first year at college I will be sharing some ideas to support her and you (the parents) in this change.

In this episode you will learn:

• There are various rituals all over the world that acknowledge, celebrate or reflect transitions in life. (Sometimes referred to as rites of passage.)
  • There are graduation ceremonies and open house parties for when your teenage daughter graduates high school 
  • We have funeral services to celebrate and remember those we loved
  • We have rituals around the change in seasons
  • One area I notice that seems to need a little help is creating a ritual within the family system to help with the transition from high to college or into young adulthood. 
  • This is a time for both your daughter and you where you maybe excited and nervous about the up coming changes 
• You may also feel sadness and loss, which is normal because one chapter in life is closing and another one is opening.
• Sometimes the sadness gets over looked or it can come out as anger Transitions are about personal development 
• Transitions involve grieving -of what you had, -of expectations that may not have occurred -of moving forward in what is to come

William Bridges in his book called Transitions states transitions involve an ending, a neutral zone and a new beginning. *

During the ending phase -

• Disengagement-“we find ourselves periodically being disengaged either willingly or unwillingly from the activities, the relationships, the settings, or the roles that been important to us.” 
• Disidentification-“In breaking the old connections to the world, the person loses ways of self-definition…most people in transition have the experience of not being quite sure who they are any more.” 
• Disenchanted-“But there is still the reality in that person’s head-a picture of the “way things are,” which ties the person to the old world with subtle strands of assumptions and expectations.” For example: parents sometimes lie for fear of being imperfect, friends let you down, etc “Many significant transitions not only involve disenchantment, they begin with it.”
• Disorientation-“One of the first and most serious casualties of disorientation is our sense of and plans for the future.” He states this part “affects not only our sense of space but our sense of time as well.” 

Neutral Zone is a “temporary state of loss” 

• Here you need to surrender-“the person must give in to the emptiness and stop struggling to escape it.” 
• Allow yourself to go inward. Bridges suggests setting aside alone time, writing your autobiography, writing about what you want in your life and think about what would be unlived if it was your last day. I suggest quiet time to my clients so the can continue to explore more of who they are in vs who they think they need to be

Making a beginning 

• “The lesson in all such experience is that when we are ready to make a beginning, we will shortly find an opportunity. The transition process involved an inner realignment and a renewal of energy, both of which depend on immersion in the chaos of the neutral zone.” 
• “Genuine beginnings depend upon this kind of inner realignment rather than on external shifts, for when we are aligned with deep longings, we become powerfully motivated.”

Rituals:

• Some ways to help with moving forward in the sadness and excitement is talking about it with one another. 
• Share your memories of times that made you laugh, your hopes you have for your daughter, ask her what she is hoping for and what she will miss when she is done with high school or moves out.
• Create a plan around having some quiet family time to reminisce or share favorite family meals together 
• Go out to her favorite restaurant or dessert place 
• Watch family movies together- It can be quiet entertaining to watch those past moments and help create a deeper family connection. 
• Ask her what she would like to do prior to moving out 
• Remind and encourage your daughter to stay in contact with her current high school friends when she leaves for college. Some of my teen clients think they have to establish all new relationships once they leave for college and think they can’t maintain their current friendships. Yes those relationships can change over time, but they do not need to end the friendships when they leave high school. Parents remember to keep having dates nights and spending time with other adult friends without your children 
• This is the time of letting go. Letting go of who you used to be and embracing the new you as your daughter moves on in her life 
• You have raised her, supported her, disagreed with her and loved her in the best ways you knew how. Now it is time for her to continue to branch out and spread her wings. “
• The ending of childhood is one part of the shift from life's’ morning (or dependency) to life’s noon (or independence). A second part of that shift involved establishing a separate identity, distinct from that of so-and-so child.”

School holidays or breaks: 

• Reflect and explore what is working and what isn’t with her. Find out if she is needing or wanting anything different from you or her support system 
• Continue to encourage and support her in her journey into young adulthood 
• Actively listen to her-you do not need to fix or do anything as she shares her experiences unless she is asking for advice (I will have a future episode in being present in listening) 
• Self care is important during transition 
• Allow yourself to explore or be curious on the other side of the change 
• There is an ending and a new beginning 
• As a therapist I have had the privilege of witnessing some pretty awesome family moments regarding creating rituals that fits for that specific family. Some just need a little nudge to say it is ok to this and sharing your feelings about the changes can be healthy process. You continue to role model to your daughter yo too have feelings about this transition and supporting her in her journey. 
• If you need more support I encourage you to seek counseling. If you are in the state of IN I offer both office and online or phone counseling http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com
• Book Recommendations: Transitions: Strategies for coping with the difficult, painful, and confusing times in your life by William Bridges

Welcome! Today’s guest is Amanda Campbell, licensed mental health counselor and life coach in Indianapolis, IN. She works with creating connection with distance couples and creating balance for busy moms. Today we focus her work in helping busy moms create a more organized life for themselves and their families. I also wanted to let you know I needed to mark the episode as explicit due to one swear word in the title of what Amanda is offering at the end of the show. There is no other swearing or cussing, but I wanted to share that with you so you know it is not throughout the episode.

In this episode you will learn: 

• Amanda explains the difference in counseling vs coaching services
• She works with busy moms who feel overwhelmed or stressed out
  • Whether mom works full time or stay at home with kids
  • Coaching can help with establishing goals, organization and positive perspective
• Amanda also offers working on goals of parenting and/or relationships
• She encourages family meetings (for more information on the importance of family meetings listen to Episode 2) and how the goals work for their family

Common Blocks:

• Mom’s may have expectations they have to do it all
  • Children are in many activities Need to have perfect meal plans
  • Amanda helps moms discern what they want in their life and what works for them
  • Establishing goals is looking at “is it realistic for you life”

Benefits

• Learn what organization is for your family 
• A system is created for your specific family needs
• How will it fit into your life Coaching packages
• Work two weeks on specific goals
• Organization is done around specific goals
• Doing a brain dump-write down specific tasks ,
• Break those down into smaller steps
• Helps keep things more manageable
• She uses Wunderlist and Evernote app 
• Separate daily and weekly To-Dos
• Do you like paper/pencil, wall calendars or technology or combo. Use system(s) that what works for you. 
• She does quiz to help understand where they struggle with time management
• Trial and error once you create a system. May need to be changed or modified. 
• System needs to evolve through different stages in life
• May change due to season, i.e.summer, when school starts or holidays
• It is self-created-make it what you want
• It is stopping the comparison factor with your life has to look like someone else's
• This creates feeling overwhelmed and perceived standard of “being perfect”
• Amanda gives personal example of placing an unrealistic expectation on herself and her family regarding birthday parties

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This helps raise the ranking of it, so others who may not have access to mental health services or support in their local community can find it. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio. You can also listen through Facebook at Launching Your Daughter page.

Amanda’s Information: http://www.busymomslifecoach.com/ Sign up for her upcoming online coaching package: Becoming Super Woman: How to have it all without losing your S***

Book Recommendations: Brene Brown-Gift of Imperfection Cline & Fay-Parenting with Love and Logic

Welcome! Today’s guest is Sharon Martin, licensed clinical social worker in San Jose, CA. She works with adolescents and adults in helping them embrace their imperfections as individuals and as a family.

In this episode you will learn:

• Sharon began her career working with teenagers 
• She is a mom of three children
• In her work she pulls from her own personal teen years and the struggles she had socially, being sensitive person, and with perfectionism
• “Lost sense of who I was”
• Perfectionism can impact both teens and adults
  • Increase stress levels
  • If I’m not perfect, then it will be catastrophic
  • Attempting to people please and look for approval of who you are
• Teens need to separate, become individuals and mess up and learn from their mistakes
• Supporting parents is similar to how working with teens
  • Help parents in letting go
  • Explore how they as parents are separate from children
  • What do you imagine the the worst thing is going to happen and how realistic is it that it will happen
  • Inner exploration vs looking outside yourself for validation
• Parallel Processes
  • Teens-grappling with identity of who am I
  • Women-can have “lost of sense of self” as mom and rediscovering who they are
• Why they seek therapy:
  • To find out “Am I ok” for the teenager and for parents it is “will my child going to be ok”-giving them reassurance and hope
  • Educating being imperfect is enough
  • Change in brain development for this stage
  • We are all imperfect
  • Helpful for parents to model imperfections with children
  • Role model that making mistakes is normal
• Life is a journey not a destination
• Benefits of therapy:
  • Help parents and teens explore internal values
  • You will be able to handle anything life throws at you
• Teens imagine ideal life that won’t turn out exactly like they imagine.
• Parts of it will be better than expected and parts of it worse than thought.
• Learn how to take healthy risks

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio. To sign up for the newsletter and receive updates go to: http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Sharon’s Information:

http://sharonmartincounseling.com/

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/

Book Recommendations: Dr. Kirstin Neff’s-Self-Compassion

Welcome! Today’s guest is Mercedes Samudio a licensed clinical social worker turned parent coach. She is located in Huntington Beach, CA. Mercedes passion to help end parent shame and empowering families comes through clearly. In today’s episode she shares her work with families in discovering their strengths, areas they are needing support and giving them tools to help navigate the tween and teen years. We also talk about perfectionism and how that impacts parenting and your teenager.

In this episode you will learn:

• Mercedes speaks to parents in discovering and unlocking their unique parenting powers
• She takes what the families know, explores what they need and teaches how to implement the tools she gives and what they learn on their own
• Tween and teen parenting-more exposed with technology which changes their level of development
• How to understand these development stages
• What your tween/teen should be developing
• • Normalize changes
  • Helps parents guide child in healthier ways
  • Teachs communication skills
• Trained in Nonviolent Parenting by Ruth Beaglehole
• • You as a parent help build up child development
  • Foundation is both are humans and learning to navigate this journey together
• We all want to be seen and heard
• Mercedes developed “Ending Parent Shame” programs due to parents feeling shamed by others
• She wants to create a culture when we don’t treat parents that they or their children have to be perfect
• Help them learn being a parent or being a child is the journey
• Unlearning old family belief systems
• Learning healthy ways of connecting is foundation of family
• Ending the strive for perfection because it doesn’t exist
• Common wants of parents:
• • Want kids to listen
  • Want others to see this beautiful child
  • Help model to children ok to have frustrations through connection
• Shame proofing Parents
• • Flaws, strengths and all is family, not the dysfunction
  • Stopping the comparison of Pinterest posts, Facebook posts, etc
  • Fantasy of perfection
  • Ending the comparisons to other parents or families
  • You don’t know the behind-the-scenes for them to get to where they are at
• Recommendations:
• • Put down the parenting books
  • • Look at your children
    • Both their strengths and weaknesses
    • Books are good foundations, but real knowledge comes with who you interact with
    • Also building in when your teen fails or makes bad decisions creating resilience

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. 

Website is http://launchingyourdaughter.com

I want to invite you to join my new FB group called Launching Your Daughter. Here you find not only the weekly episodes, but I share articles and blogs to help encourage and inform.

Mercedes’s Information:

www.theparentingskill.com