In today’s episode I discuss the difference between praise and encouragement, discouraging statements and self-reflection. Being a teenager can be challenging because they are wanting to feel accepted, step into their own identity but are still trying out new behaviors or beliefs, and wanting to feel successful and that they are enough. Parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors can role-model encouragement to improve self-esteem and use language that supports the teens in their life.
In this episode you will learn: What discouragement can look like or sound like from your teen daughter Praise vs encouragement language PCIT-Parent-Child Interactive Therapy for parents of young children and how labeled praises is encouraging for compliance vs good or bad child Family meetings episode 2-help in decision making process Reflecting on what your expectations are for your teenager-overly ambitious which reinforces she is not enough or accepting her where she is Previous conversation with Neil Brown PhD (episode 58)-power struggles and faith in your child Comparing your children to one another or other teens-creates self-doubt, sense of unworthiness Exploring your own values and hers-check out episode one Encouraging her effort and improvement Focus on her strengths vs only focusing on the negative behaviors Stating what you appreciate about them (in any relationship) Embracing being imperfect as a teen and parent Examples of encouraging statements Build self-esteem: give them responsibility, have faith in them, s how appreciation for what they are doing at home, ask them for suggestions and feedback about family decisions, help them accept mistakes they made-episode 32 discussion with Lisa Damour, PhD reflect on her progress and process look at positive expectations without rescuing Reframing, zooming out, and helping her with different possible perspectives Parents reflect on how do you encourage yourself?
My guest today is Lisa Marchiano, is a licensed clinical social worker and Jungian Analyst. She has a private practice located in Philadelphia, PA and works with adults struggling with depression, anxiety, relationships issues, past traumas and grief and loss. She likes to work with myth, dreams and fairytales in her practice.
Myths, fairytales and archetypes:
Why self-care is important for mothers
In today’s episode I am going to discuss family roles and how your teenagers can challenge them. Before I get into this I want to share a movie I watched recently called Tommy’s Honour. It is based on true facts regarding a father (Tom Morris) and his son (Tommy Morris) in the late 1800’s in Scotland. These two men are credited with being pioneers of professional golf. Tom wanted Tommy to take over the business of being greens keeper and the club and ball maker when he died. Tommy wanted to play golf and challenged not only his family role but unwritten rules of social class. Tommy and his father had various conflicts when his dad attempted to remind him of his role or place in life. Tommy not only changed professional golfers being paid fairly, but role modeled not letting prejudice or old beliefs systems stop him from loving the woman he married. Margaret (Tommy’s wife) had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and was banned from her church and Tommy’s mother wanted him to “never see her again” when she discovered this information. Tommy went against his mother’s advice and the towns. Toward the end of the movie, Tom makes a decision for his son vs allowing his adult son to make the choice himself, and it had a heartbreaking impact on Tommy. Tommy showed his Dad how we can love through the biases, not live to get other people’s approval and forgive others when they have made mistakes. In episode 65 Julie Hanks briefly mentioned if a family has an identity such as a ‘sports family’ and your daughter doesn’t like sports. In episode 49 I discussed how a psychotherapy conference earlier this impacted me and my hope for parents and caregivers are to stay curious and seek to understand the teen girls in their life ways vs dismissing or discouraging them. I am a big movie lover and have watched thousands of movies over my lifetime. I know there are other movies that demonstrate choosing to be different or standing up to challenge beliefs systems may not make you the most popular person in your family or your community, but not letting fear stop you from doing what you believe in. Parents and caregivers, I encourage you to pause and give yourself permission to explore what you think and feel when that teen girl in your life challenges the family or societal roles. Stay curious with her and seek to understand why it is important to her, what she wants from being an artist, engineer, athlete, or whatever she desires. Being beside her, owning your own fears without projecting them onto her, can help you stay a team vs placing the “issue’ in between your relationship. I invite you to invest in yourself through my coaching services at www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or find the show notes www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep69
My guests today is Susan Sweet PhD and Brenda Miles PhD. Susan is a clinical psychologist and mother of two.She has worked in hospital, school, and community-based settings and is passionate about children’ mental health and well-being. Susan hopes worries never overshadow anyone’s dreams. Brenda is a pediatric neuropsychologist who has worked in hospital, rehabilitation, and school settings. Brenda has conquered her fear of writing, despite the risk of rejections, revisions, and writer’s block. As for her other fears, she’s still working on them. Susan and Brenda have co-authored Princes Penelopea Hates Peas: A Tales of Picky Eating and Avoiding Catastropeas, King Calm: Mindful Gorilla in the City, Cinderstella: A Tale of Planets Not Princes, Jacqueline and the Beanstalk: A Tale of Facing Giant Fears, and Chicken or Egg: Who Comes First? These books are written for ages four to eight.
Why write the books? Worked together and decided to write a book about picky eating Retelling of fairy tales and combing psychology with creativity Early interventions helps build resilience and healthy habits. Picture books open up dialog and communicate in way for young children. Mental and physical health impact one another. Stories can help change thought patterns regarding eating habits and anxiety management. Fun to write and “our brains crave stories”-Brenda. Parent and caregiver notes in back of book What are concerns of parents? Parents want the best for the children, but put a lot of pressure on themselves. Parents wonder when should I address issue. Books are about non-judgment. Want skills to help children be successful. Times is limited so having two pages in back of book with condense information from vetted sources. Words of encouragement for parents. If your young daughter is struggling with anxiety it can be addressed and improved-we are able to rewire the brain with evidenced based practices. Anxiety can help keep us safe as long as it is manageable. Doesn’t reflect on skills of parents-anxiety is common and parents are not alone. Explore other factors that may contribute to anxiety symptoms.